It’s only a radical concept for people who have been in a committed relationship for a long period of time.  The rest of the single world thinks it is quite normal to be setting, planning and enjoying dates.But when children and life in general start to squeeze us this seems to be the first thing we are willing to sacrifice, time set aside to be alone with the one we love more than anyone else in the world.

Sandy and I met and began dating at a very conservative school, Bethany BibleCollege.  Back in those days our school had a rule about pretty much everything.  Dating was one of their favorite subjects to enforce massive oversight and control.  You were only allowed to go on a date two nights a week, Tuesdays and Fridays.  Unfortunately for us we both had obligations to other organizations on those days so we were left out of luck.  It made us carve out time for each other very "creatively.”  We cherished time to just walk and talk and split a Dairy Queen sundae together.  We grasped moments alone like they were precious stones.  Going home to visit my family was so important to us, not because we wanted to be with my family but it was only then that we were away from the prying eyes of our school and could just be together.

It has always been a challenge and a joy to carve out that important alone time as we married and had children.  I have always lived an active lifestyle of innovation and entrepreneurship and that made time a scarce commodity most days. But we always made the time.  I think that is a big reason why we are so close today, 27 years later.

So when I offer the advice on this third week I am not to amenable and understanding to all the excuses you might have to offer for why this just isn’t "do-able” for you at this season in your life.  What we want to do we do, the real question isn’t "How?”  it is "Why?”  Many of you believe the lie that dating and courting aren’t necessary after you have been married for a period of time.  You foolishly believe that it is selfish and it fails to make your children the priority they should be in you family.

To all this I have to say, you are so wrong.  In 24 years of assisting couples time has always been a major factor in a failing marriage.  In every single instance the relationship is first starving for quality time spent with each other.  You can ignore this if you want but I guarantee you that your relationship will never blossom while you are so determined to starve it.  So take this seriously and put into practice this third step to a powerful relationship.

3.  Plan a date night this week.  It doesn’t have to be complicated but it does need to happen.  Couples today have so many demands on their time and attention.  Their date books and calendars are jammed with obligation upon obligation.  The rule is simple; the first on the calendar wins and trumps any future opportunities.  So jump on February today and write in a lunch or dinner together.  When you get asked to fill in that time with something else you can honestly say that you already have a previous engagement.

When people tell me their priorities I often ask them to prove it.

Two things in your life prove what you think is most important to you, your checkbook and your calendar.  If you are failing to allocate either money or time for something then it is not a priority at all.

It is a day dream, a wish and a fairy tale.

Make your relationship a priority and take control of the month of February.  Write down when you will deliberately spend time alone together.