Frankly there is little you can add to this fourth week of Relationship Tips.  It is exhaustive in it's descriptions of the need for all of us to deepen the intensity of our conversations as couples.

 The key to all of this of course is time.  Time is the determining factor of how intimate your conversations will be as a couple.  These kind of intense conversations are necessary; they are the very lifeblood of your relationship.

If you love life is waning, it's not that you are kissing too infrequently.  It is that you communication is too immature and infantile.  You love life is a window on your relationship, it was never intended to be a door or passageway.  When we foolishly attempt to make it anything else other than a window that accurately assesses the depth of your relationship we diminish it's mysterious power and potency.

So take to heart this fourth tip and let's get talking.

4.  Be careful little lips what you say.  I know it is a line from a children’s song but it still means something today.  What we say and what don’t say to each other is a key part of your levels of intimacy.

So let’s review how deep you may be going in your daily communication:

a.  Clichés:  These are phrases like, "How are you today?”  "Fine.”

It means little and it merely fills in empty spaces of silence and insignificance.

b.  Facts:  These are the descriptions of the day, "I worked really hard today.”  "Our daughter has a fever today.”  The information is necessary and often essential but committed couples need to go deeper.

c.  Feelings: You begin to talk intimately when you share honest feelings with each other.  These are not the "Make Me Feelings.”

These are feelings that you own entirely, they are yours and not the result of anything that anyone else has made you feel.  If you correct each others feelings then you will  reduce your partners’ motivation to share their feelings.  Remember, feelings aren’t dangerous and they are aren’t evil.  They are just feelings.

d.  Dreams and Ideas: Couples with a committed future have a committed present.  It amazes me how little time and energy couples give to defining where they are going together.  Criticism about "silly” ideas or "unrealistic” goals will silence such deep and meaningful communication.  Instead of answering "No, But…”  try answering "Yes, And…”  If you don’t agree with a new idea it is probably because you don’t have enough information.

e.  Correction:  This is the deepest form of communication.  It is so often misused that we avoid it like the plague. True correction sounds like this, "I know you, I understand and appreciate you ideals and beliefs.  From my point of view it looks like your actions are in conflict with your ideals.  Can I help you get back on track with who I know you really are?”