"The components of anxiety, stress, fear, and anger do not exist independently of you in the world. They simply do not exist in the physical world, even though we talk about them as if they do.”
Wayne Dye

                Lately John* has been very short tempered with his family.  Even the most mundane things, such as his wife forgetting something at the store, set him off.  He is forgetful at work and is shirking off many of his responsibilities.  John isn’t sleeping well and has been having some intermittent anxiety attacks.  Every day seems to be a struggle and John simply wishes that people would cut him some slack.

                From the outside John appears to be a fairly normal, successful guy.  He has been married to the same woman for over a decade.  They have two children.  He volunteers and works with groups; every bit the community leader.  What John doesn’t think everyone is noticing is that he is barely holding it together.  John doesn’t know how much longer he can keep on going.  The reality is that John is under so much stress, like many people, and instead of dealing with it and recognizing his vulnerability; he is perpetually sweeping it under the rug and putting the blame on others instead of taking responsibility himself.

                Many people are just like John.  They have extremely full lives and have stopped recognizing their physical response to stress.  In an effort to keep the status quo, they often sacrifice their own health, dealing with it only when the symptoms beg to be reckoned with.  The majority of people around the world are dealing with the stresses of the economy, relationships and time challenges.  As I travel and speak at events I encounter person after person who is sitting in a place of exhaustion and emotional bankruptcy; too overwhelmed to move forward.

                On www.medicinenet.com Dr. Melissa Conrad Stöppler, MD, say’s that stress can vary from patient to patient.  People can display physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms.  On the physical side, headaches, digestive disturbances, muscle aches, sleeplessness and even hormonal imbalances are fairly common.  Behaviourally people may become more short tempered toward their loved ones and colleagues.  Emotionally the feeling of overwhelm may be prevalent.  Stress is not something to be taken lightly. In fact, when stress continues to increase serious health challenges can arise.

                For years I was a personal trainer, nutritionist and coach.  My clients included physicians, professional athletes, actors and C.E.O.’s.  What I realized over time was that a person’s outlook was far more valuable than their bank balance in dealing with stress.  I had clients who would take their Blackberry on holiday, never fully relaxing.  I also had extremely busy C.E.O.’s who had a blackout period every day to focus on only on their families, a habit I have also adopted.  Regardless of profession or life obligation the biggest thing I have observed is that the people who are the most effective at dealing with stress are those who are able to identify when they are most vulnerable to stress.

                We all have triggers that induce a stress response.  For some it could be a particular person or situation.  For example dealing with a negative relative at a family function or having to speak in public could be stress triggers.  Some stresses are internal meaning that it is our perception of the event that creates the stress rather than the event itself.  Some stresses are external and we choose to internalize them.  An example of this may be a project with a shortened deadline and you are the project manager; you have the responsibility to lead the project and complete it however you also have the ability to utilize your team.  Either way, it ultimately comes down to how we perceive a situation that creates our stress response.

                Recognizing our most vulnerable points assists our bodies with dealing more effectively with stress.  Common increase in stress vulnerability can come from fatigue, poor eating choices, alcohol or recreational drug use, being in the presence of negative people or familiarity with a situation.  If we can recognize our potential vulnerability we can deal with it more effectively. 

                The first step is to recognize your triggers.  One of the reasons I rarely have even one glass of wine during the week is that I will ultimately wake up groggy the next morning.  When I am not one hundred percent it costs me money and so I have chosen to recognize this point and deal with it.  Take a moment right now and list some of your own vulnerability points; ideally anything that amplifies your response to stress.  Next, I have provided you with some tried and true tips that I have successfully used with clients over the years.  Take the tips that can work for you right now and remember – stress is serious, not dealing with it is even more serious.  I am not sure what is going to happen to John however one thing I do know is that the longer he fails to deal with his stress, the greater his risk for a serious life threatening event such as a heart attack.

1.       Take all stress seriously.  Have a regular physical.  Women especially should get their cortisol levels tested annually.  If you have experienced heart palpitations, unexplained sweating, pain or tingling in your left arm or headaches especially with a glowing halo effect seek medical assistance immediately.  I have lost friends to heart attacks.

2.       Get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day.  Even a 30 minute walk can lower stress hormones.

3.       Eat a diet that is non-processed.  Processed food can be toxic to your body and cause an inflammatory response.  Excess inflammation in the body can exacerbate aches, pains and create fatigue.

4.       Consider meditation.  Taking at least five minutes every day to sit in silence is a wonderful practice.  You can purchase wonderful meditation audios to assist you.  Alternately enrol in a meditation class.

5.       Talk about it.  People who talk about their stress often feel better.  Some people seek out a pastor, priest or spiritual leader.  Others may turn to a professional.  It may be as simple as connecting with a supportive friend.

6.       Avoid alcohol.  Alcohol has been shown to enhance anxiety and stress in people.  If you are going through a tremendous amount of stress alcohol is not the solution. 

7.       Breathe.  As humans we spend the majority of our day using only the upper portion of our lungs.  Our lung capacity is much greater than we generally utilize.  A few deep breaths can be very calming.

8.       Find a relaxing hobby.  If you have always wanted to be a photographer, author or take up pottery now would be a great time.

9.       Get a pet.  You may think I am kidding however studies show that animals can induce a calming response in people.

10.   Learn to say ‘no.’  If you are under a lot of stress then say ‘no’ to new obligations.  I always say, ‘no for now does not mean no forever.’

11.   Shut down once per day.  You do not need to take your Blackberry to bed.  You do not need to answer the phone at mealtime.  Shut down for at least 2 hours every day.  People can figure things out for themselves.  Make sure you let people know when your downtime is so they can be respectful of your boundaries.

12.   Let go of your story.  The story we tell ourselves about a person or a situation is often more powerful than the actual individual or event.  Our story may be our truth however it isn’t always the truth.  Do not stress yourself out about the unknown.  Seek out answers and then choose how you will react.

Many of the above are in the realm of common sense.  Remember that we are all going to have stressful times in our lives.  When we can be proactive, recognize our triggers and deal with them before they exacerbate we will be able to handle our stress with greater ease and live a life that is both beautiful and productive.  Lastly, just breathe.

Susan Sly is a highly acclaimed author, speaker and trainer.  You can see Susan live in NY or by attending the life transforming Have It All Women’s Weekend.  Click here for more information