"There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow.”  Dorothea Brande

                This past week I have done a lot of training on the many ways in which we sabotage our own success.  From our health to our finances, many of us are guilty of creating so much chaos in hopes that it will force us to actually do something about it.  The truth is that the vast majority of people operate from a place of deliberate self sabotage which ultimately affects everyone else in their lives.  Being addicted to chaos means being addicted to pain; being in that place where it is either so normal or so seductive to feel those deep hurts. 

                For years I created my own chaos with my weight and also with my finances.  I was the person who would lose weight and then, upon seeing the lower number on the scale, proceed to gorge on carbs and fat to compensate.  My poor body became victim to the cycle of progressive abuse.  I would work so hard to release the physical pounds and yet because I was so conditioned to feeling bad, I would sabotage my success.  I actually felt bad about feeling good.

                I did the same thing with money.  When I had money, I spent it.  When I spent money, I spent more than I had so I ended up in debt.  I ultimately realized that I was doing this deliberately in hopes that I would back myself into a corner that was so sharp that I would be forced to produce. 

                Whether the chaos stems from money or health, both are interrelated.  In a study done at the University of Mainz, in Germany, researchers found that people who were obese were actually 2 ½ times more likely to be in debt.  It would seem that our ability to operate in chaos as a means to force ourselves to take action or in hopes of being rescued can actually be a form of attention seeking behaviour.  

                It is said often that how we do one thing is how we do anything.  If we are creating chaos in one area of our lives chances are we are doing it in many areas.  The person who deliberately sabotages their own success with weight loss is often the person who additionally cries out for attention in other areas.  The individual who spends more than they make in an effort to create some kind of situation that will force action is also the person who is entirely uncomfortable without the latest gadget, handbag or perfect hair and make-up.

                Those of us addicted to chaos and the perception that we need to be rescued ultimately come to one of two conclusions; we either attract people who support our drama or we make a decision to be done with it and take one hundred percent responsibility for our lives.  If that later is true and you have a burning desire to break the cycle of chaos then it means you can no longer blame others for your circumstances.  You cannot blame your parents for poor genetics, blame your spouse for their spending habits, you cannot blame the economy, your friends, anyone or anything; the person at the root cause of the behaviour is the person in the mirror.

                Breaking a chaos addiction is not unlike ending any other addictive cycle.  First you must own up to it and truthfully, most people have some degree of limiting behaviour going on.  Secondly you must choose to take it moment by moment and stop looking externally for reasons why you cannot succeed.  The third step is to decide that no one is going to rescue you and that success lies within.  Lastly moving forward by connecting with others who have already achieved what you desire to do.

                As a recovering chaos addict and someone who has observed many who behave in this way, the greatest gift I can share is hope.  You can break this cycle and move beyond it.  You can stop the self destruction right now and move forward into a better body, a better relationship and better finances.  Own up today to your chaos; the liberty in the acknowledgement is worth the price of the years of struggle.

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